Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
