This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
