At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize