How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
