I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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