I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
