I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
