i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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