I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ugly people sure do ruin things
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I forget how to act sober
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
