So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
