first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
