Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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