Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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