The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
