I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
