"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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