whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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