I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Randomize
