My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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