Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize