His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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