We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
