we have officially lost it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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