is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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