So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
