Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
