that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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