the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
