You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
