So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I love you.
Bad choice
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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