omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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