i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
