I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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