I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize