and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
