Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Vodka?
Forever.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
