Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
