he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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