my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
