Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
