youre lurking in front of me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
