3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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