I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
