Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
