Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
