Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
