so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
