who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
