yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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