I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
