Cold hands, warm shart.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
