Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
