ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
