I could have mohawked her pubes.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
