Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
