Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
