i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
