So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
