If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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