So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
