i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
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