There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
