I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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