college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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