Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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