I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How naked do you want me to be?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
