OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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