Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
